When You Give So You Won’t Get in Trouble

Easter comes with a great deal of joy. Is there so much joy at Easter simply because Lent is finally over, and we can stop with all of the painful penance? Well, maybe. But if that’s the case, if Lent is something to survive and endure, then you might be missing out on something important about Lent. Halfway through, the Church wears rose-colored vestments, which look suspiciously like pink vestments. The Church teaches that these rose-colored vestments signify joy right there in the middle of Lent. We call it Laetare Sunday. Laetare is the Latin word that means rejoice. The truth is that there’s a powerful connection between Lent and joy, and it’s important to get that right. If we get it right, we benefit tremendously. It helps us in our relationships, our relationships with our loved ones and with God. So here’s my claim. If you approach Lent in a healthy way, you’ll experience the connection between love, sacrifice, and joy. Those three things go together. Love, sacrifice, and joy. Relationships involving two people doing this for each other are fantastic, good, and life-giving. Relationships lacking in this area are not fun. They are filled with resentments, and the relationships can become lifeless.

In the first reading, Adam and Eve were created by God and they have a wonderful life right there in the Garden of Eden. One of the rules given to them was to not eat the fruit of the tree in the center of the garden. Now, in this story, we see the opposite of love happening between Adam and God, or Eve and God. First, the devil informs them that they’re missing out. The devil tells them that they could easily be like gods who know what is good and what is evil. They just have to abandon their fidelity to God. The devil tries to convince them that they’re missing out on all the good stuff. It’s the first case of FOMO ever recorded in human history. They could be like gods, if only they’d do what the devil told them to do. They had a choice, and they chose to give in to their fear, the fear of missing out. Giving in to fear is awful for relationships because it is the opposite of self-giving. It’s the opposite of sacrifice. It is self-centered, or self-preserving. And the result isn’t joy. Just ask our first parents. Their self-centered actions got them a one-way ticket out of Eden and into the thorn-infested wilderness.

In Matthew chapter 4, in the story of the temptations in the desert, the devil tries to tempt Jesus in a similar way. He’s led into the desert to fast for forty days. The Gospel said he was to be tempted by the devil. For the first temptation, the devil starts by saying, “If.” “If you are the Son of God, then turn these stones into bread.” The devil is trying to set up a lose-lose situation for Jesus. If he turns down the devil, and refuses to command those stones to become bread, then it confirms that Jesus really isn’t the Son of God. But if he does what the devil says and makes bread out of those stones, then he’s demonstrating his lack of trust in the Father, that he doubts the Father will provide what is needed. Jesus decides to stay true to the Father and reject the devil’s false scenario.

Then the devil tempts Jesus by insisting that Jesus demonstrate his trust in the Father by throwing himself down and having the angels catch him. The devil is quoting Psalm 91. This is another lose-lose situation. If Jesus rejects the devil’s temptation, then he would be demonstrating his distrust of the Father. That would be like saying, “I don’t actually believe what Psalm 91 says.” But if he does accept the temptation, then he is putting the Father to the test. Jesus would be recklessly endangering himself while insisting that the Father do his bidding. The devil’s lose-lose situation is all about telling Jesus he must choose between two self-centered actions. Reject the offer to make sure he protects his own skin, or accept the offer and demand that the Father act to protect him from harm. However, once again, Jesus chooses to stay true to the Father and reject the devil’s false scenario.

Finally, the devil tries again, but offers Jesus an exchange: all the kingdoms in their magnificence in exchange for Jesus worshiping the devil. The devil is again making an appeal for Jesus to make a self-centered choice, but Jesus turns the offer down once again.

Jesus’ time in the desert happened before he started gathering his apostles for his public ministry. At the end of his public ministry, Jesus goes through his passion, suffering, and death on the cross. Jesus, out of love for each of us, chooses to sacrifice for our benefit. The cross is perhaps the most powerful example where love, sacrifice, and joy come together. Of course, you might say the cross doesn’t look all that joyful. It actually looks like a horrible way to die. Which is true. It is a horrible way to die. It wasn’t a happy time for Jesus. It wasn’t a fun time for Jesus. But as Hebrews chapter 12 explains, Jesus endured the cross because of the joy that lay before him. While joy may be present when we’re happy or having fun, we can still experience joy even though we’re uncomfortable or even miserable. Jesus uses the example of a woman in labor, in John chapter 16, as an example of how joy and misery can happen at the same time. The woman is in misery during the childbirth process, but is also filled with joy because of the birth of her child.

One of the big differences between happiness and joy is that happiness is fleeting. We can experience something that makes us happy, but the happiness will eventually subside and go away. Joy is something that builds up inside of us and persists. Joy can grow and increase over time.

As you’re making a sacrifice, if you’re making it out of love, then you will experience this growth of joy within you. It will be a wonderful experience, and you’ll see your relationship with God also grow and deepen. Love, sacrifice, and joy all interact and strengthen each other. Love, sacrifice, and joy.

However, if you’re approaching the sacrifice as something to survive, something that you have to do in order to avoid getting into trouble with God, then that’s a fear-based approach. It’s all self-centered, because we’re trying to avoid being smited by God’s mighty smiter. Self-preservation is something that leads to resentment. Fear, self-centeredness, and resentment. Those are the opposite of love, sacrifice, and joy. Fear, self-centeredness, and resentment are poison for relationships.

Take what this season can be for you, for your relationship with God, for your relationships with loved ones. For the sake of your joy, choose to sacrifice out of love for God and one another, not out of fear, and watch as joy grows in your hearts and relationships.

If you keep giving so you will not get in trouble, start with the fear under the yes. Adam and Eve were told they were missing out. They could be like gods if they abandoned their fidelity. That was the first fear of missing out. It was not sacrifice. It was self-preservation, and it got them out of the garden. Write the thing you are doing. Write the trouble you are trying not to be in. Missing out. Being punished. Being left. If that trouble is the reason, the giving is the second list in this homily. Fear, self-centeredness, and resentment.

The desert temptations were the same trap, offered as a lose-lose. Stones into bread, or you are not the Son. Throw yourself down, or you do not trust the Father. The kingdoms, if you will worship. Jesus refused both sides. He did not protect his skin, and he did not make the Father do his bidding. If the yes in front of you only has two fearful options, it is that trap. You do not have to take either one this week.

A sacrifice that belongs on the first list has a person it is for. God, or the loved one. Not the trouble you are avoiding. Jesus endured the cross for the joy set before him, in Hebrews chapter 12. The woman in labor, in John chapter 16, was in misery and in joy at the same time, because of the child. If you cannot name who the giving is for, besides staying out of trouble, do not call it love. Drop it, or do one smaller thing that is actually for them. The resentment is the sign you are still on the second list.

This is a pastoral reflection, not clinical care and not a substitute for it. If you or someone you love is in immediate danger, call 988 or local emergency services.

Drawn from a homily first preached in 2026.