When I was working on a large campus for a large corporation in my computer-chip designing days, I remember one brave woman who stood up in one of our well-attended meetings and mentioned how much she and her family benefited from counseling. She expressed her surprise that it made such a difference, and she wanted to alert the rest of us that we might benefit as well.
Now, at the time, I really didn’t understand what she was talking about. I had some sort of fear that counselors could rewire people’s brains, and I couldn’t see how that would be a benefit. If you weren’t around in the early ’90s, then you may have a difficult time appreciating the difference between the way counselors were generally viewed back then and today. Back then, if you needed counseling help, then you were just a wing nut. People wanted to keep their distance. But with the internet and the ability to find all sorts of information regarding psychology, it seems like people see that mental health is something that may need attention from time to time, just like our physical health does. Getting physical care can be crucial. I recently made an unscheduled trip to the dental office. It wasn’t exactly a lot of fun, but I’m glad I was able to get the help I needed. It’s one of those things that we’re happy when it’s over.
I have no idea who that woman was that shared her experience with all of us, but I do know that her choice to stand up and share what she did paid huge dividends for me, especially on February 13, 2002. I remember it like it just happened a second ago. I came home from work to find my wife in bed, physically okay in every way, but she was so depressed she could not will herself to move. I feel so much gratitude for that woman in that meeting. I don’t know if she suffered any consequences because of the ’90s. But whatever suffering that she did yielded great gains for me and my family. The long story short here is that, before it was over, everyone in our family had counseling over a three-year period. At the end of that, we had changed for the better so much that I don’t think I could recognize myself from that February day in 2002.
While I was going through the counseling, I was focused on the work I had to do in the moment and not necessarily on how this counseling experience was going to change the trajectory of my life forever. However, when a person begins to become comfortable with who they are and less concerned with obtaining the good opinion of others, things change. Anxious fear of disappointing others is replaced with the excitement that comes with the discernment of future opportunities.
Three years before I began the work, I felt an internal push to become a counselor. To me, it seemed like the Holy Spirit was the force behind this urge. However, I already had a career, and I feared that going to college to start a new one, especially at my age, would be a reckless use of resources and time, and possibly end in a cul-de-sac. So, given my concerns that I’d end up financially devastated or that I’d just fail in the process outright, I hatched a plan to stop thinking about becoming a counselor and start thinking about finding an engineering job. I set up a meeting with Fr. Doug. Before that meeting, unbeknownst to Fr. Doug, I prayed that the Holy Spirit make it clear to me if I should pursue counseling. And in that prayer, I said that the way I’m going to know if I should pursue a counseling career is that there will not be the least hesitation on Fr. Doug’s part. If he said he was almost certain I should pursue counseling, then I’d take that as a sure sign that I should forget about counseling altogether. That was my going-in plan. The words that were ringing in my ears for hours after that meeting were this: Fr. Doug said, “For me, the question of you becoming a counselor, it’s 100 percent yes.” I received the clarity that I needed on that day. And after three years of hard but rewarding work, I was a counselor running a private practice. A small room opened up at the parish. Fr. Doug invited me to use that room as part of the practice, Bosco Counseling.
In Luke chapter 12, in the story of the servants told to gird their loins and light their lamps, Jesus tells us to be ready. The girding of loins means that you are to be ready to do something difficult. To take on a big challenge. I wish I was that eager to do what God asks me to do. Even though I felt the Holy Spirit calling me to risk my financial stability to pursue a counseling career, I tried to ignore the call. I was not ready to take on that kind of challenge. I would feel more comfortable if Jesus had said to gird your loins once you’re very certain that you are really being called upon to do something. I’m slow to act, so I have a lot of growing in faith to do. Following Jesus is not easy. Even if we tend to do better than others at this, we will always have room to grow. No matter how ready we are to do something, we can always be even more ready. It takes preparation.
You may not see the need for any of this right now. I didn’t see a need to know what that brave woman was sharing in that meeting so many years ago. You might not see a reason to be informed about health, or about mental suffering, for years to come. However, if you learn some of it before the day arrives, you might be like that brave woman who stood up and helped me, and who knows how many others. You will be ready to help loved ones, or even people you may not know at all. Maybe you’ll just be a temporary bridge to a place of help for people who are suffering. In doing so, you’ll be more like the person who girds their loins and lights their lamp. In a special way, you’ll be ready.
If you would not get help until the house is already on fire, start with the meeting I did not understand. A woman stood up and said counseling had helped her family. I thought counselors rewired brains. I filed her away as a wing nut story. Years later I came home and my wife could not will herself to move. The sentence I already had, from that meeting, was that help existed. Write the sentence you are waiting to need. Help exists. I do not have to be on fire to learn where it is.
Then do the small preparation before the day. Ask one person who has already gone what the first appointment actually was. Mine was talking. Or save the number you would call. The practice is not to feel ready. I tried to arrange the answer so that hesitation would count as a no. Fr. Doug said 100 percent yes, and I still had three years of work in front of me. Girding the loins, in this Gospel, is getting ready for a difficult thing before you feel like doing it.
If the day has already arrived, and someone cannot move, do not wait for a better understanding of counseling. Get them to a person who can help, and go with them if they will let you. If you or they are in danger now, call 988 or local emergency services. The woman in the meeting did not fix my house. She made it possible for me to know where to go when I came home.
This is a pastoral reflection, not clinical care and not a substitute for it. If you or someone you love is in immediate danger, call 988 or local emergency services.Drawn from a homily first preached in 2022.