One day, back when I was a manager of a team of computer-chip designers, my boss came to my office, which was just a cubicle on a large open floor. He came to my office because he was upset with something that I had done. He wasn’t yelling or screaming or anything like that, but he was loud and expressing his feelings in a less-than-healthy way. Both my boss and I were standing up for this conversation, and the cubicle walls were five feet tall, so you could see most people when they were standing, but not when they were sitting. I remember seeing people do that gopher-hole thing where they popped their head up over the wall so that they could see what was going on between me and my boss.
Now, I knew my boss was going to be mad at me because I let our main customer for our computer chip know that the chip we were designing for them was going to be a lot bigger than what had been previously estimated. And that means that they’re going to pay a lot more money for it, which they didn’t like at all. Now, you need to understand that I had only recently been promoted into my role as manager, and the person’s place that I took was that loudly talking boss of mine. The way it went down is that he got promoted, then I got promoted to backfill his position. And it was his estimates that were way off track. Once I got into the job, I realized the error and started fixing the problem.
Now, my response to my boss, when he was expressing his upset feelings to me, was to simply let him talk and not defend myself. I didn’t interrupt him. I didn’t grovel. I just let him unspool. The weirdest thing happened. In the middle of one of his sentences, he spun on his heels and walked off. From then on, he never lost his composure like that again, and he didn’t even bring it up to me later. Somehow, we ended up forming a good working relationship. I’d love to go back and figure out how that happened.
My behavior at that time was completely new for me. Had that same thing happened to me only six months earlier, it would have crushed my soul. I would have been a smoldering heap of ash because someone disapproved of something that I had done. Even if I was actually doing my job correctly and with integrity, when someone disapproved of me, it tore me apart. So had I experienced the loud boss publicly losing his control for a while just a few months earlier, it would have been a bad situation for me.
So what was going on in my life at that time? What was the big change that allowed me to survive, and actually thrive, in a situation that would have been a terrible experience for me earlier? The big change that I made was that I decided to stop trying to cast a false image of perfection. That’s right. For most of my adult life until about six months prior to this loud-boss episode, I worked constantly to maintain an image of a person that could somehow always be right. That means I was living a gigantic lie, because I would make mistakes. But once I saw my mistakes, I jumped through all sorts of hoops to reduce the visibility of my mistakes, and I think I also threw some people under the bus even when it was mostly my fault. I did anything and everything to maintain my perfect image.
But at this point in my life, when the boss was loudly talking at me, instead of projecting a false image of perfection, I decided to just let the real me with all of my ugly imperfections be seen by everyone, including my boss. At first, when I started to let go of the perfect image, it was terrifying. I feared that the real me would be rejected and viewed as fundamentally defective. In a way, my choice to give up the false image of perfection was a kind of death for me. My dream of being viewed as amazing by everyone — that dream died. I let that go and decided to embrace the truth, with all of its ugliness, no matter how much it cost me.
But here’s the shocking truth about that. My anxiety level dropped a ton. I was no longer working so hard to maintain a false image. Which means my ability to enjoy life increased a ton. Somehow, the people around me preferred the calm and relaxed real me over the jumpy, stressed-out fake me. That’s right. The more I showed the ugly truth about who I am, the more people seemed to like that. And that, for me, was such a crazy contradiction.
This contradiction, that it’s better to adhere to the truth, even in difficult circumstances, is what this Gospel is all about. In Luke chapter 21, in the story of the temple thrown down, Luke writes in roughly AD 60 about what the temple looks like. It was a fabulously impressive structure. It was large, it was tall, and it was decorated with gemstones such that they could be seen from a distance when the sun hit the temple just right. Jesus tells people that this impressive structure is going to be completely demolished. At the time, it would have been hard to imagine such a reality. But he was speaking the ugly truth.
Then he goes on to share some other scary stuff, saying that there are going to be wars, earthquakes, famines, plagues. And yeah, we’ve had all of that. Then Jesus shares about all of the consequences you’re going to face for being a Christian. He says that if you choose to follow him, you’re going to be persecuted, made to stand up in front of hostile authorities, and give your testimony. Some of those who are put in this difficult spot will be killed for their faith. And they will be put there by family members that don’t like their Christianity. It doesn’t sound too great to be a Christian, does it? Well, that depends on your desire to adhere to the truth or not.
But here’s the thing about the ugly truth. It’s always better to adhere to the truth. It’s better in this life and in the life to come. Now, I’m not advocating that you run around loudly condemning people to hell for their apparent sinfulness. That’s not the ugly truth. It’s just ugly. What I am saying is that it’s actually better for you to stick with what is true, even if that means testifying against your perceived self-interest. The choice to stick with the truth will lead to a better life for you.
Jesus says, “Don’t prepare a defense for yourself.” Why would you need it? You don’t know what accusations others are going to make about you. Also, if you’re in the habit of seeking and speaking the truth, you’re going to naturally deepen your spiritual life. When difficult situations arise, you’re going to be more interested in listening to God’s guidance. With a habit like that, how much easier will it be to listen to what the Holy Spirit has for you in those difficult moments?
Jesus says that in our persecution as Christians, not a hair on our head will be destroyed. He makes that point right after saying that some Christians will lose their lives for their faith. Losing one’s life is a bigger deal than losing some hair. So obviously he’s making a point that there’s more to the story than just this earthly life. There is something coming after this life. So that brings us to the big idea. When we let go of worldly interest and embrace all that is true, it is good for us. A life spent walking with God is vastly superior to a life spent earning the good opinion of others. Adherence to the truth is good for us now, but it is also good for us in the next life. It prepares us for the next life, because there will be no place for anything but truth in that next life.
If you are keeping a perfect picture because the real one would be rejected, start with the cubicle. He was loud. People popped their heads over the wall. Six months earlier I would have been ash, even though the estimate I corrected was his. The change was not a better defense. I stopped maintaining the image of a person who was always right. Write the picture you are still protecting. Then write the mistake under it.
The next step is one visible truth you have been covering. Do not prepare the speech. Jesus said not to prepare the defense. Let the fact stand in the room once. I was wrong about that. I did that. Then stop. I did not interrupt him, and I did not grovel. He walked off in the middle of his own sentence. The people around me preferred the real one. That was the contradiction. It may not arrive the same day. The practice is to stop spending the hour on the false image.
This is a pastoral reflection, not clinical care and not a substitute for it. If you or someone you love is in immediate danger, call 988 or local emergency services.Drawn from a homily first preached in 2022. 