If you are a Secret Santa, where you go around and secretly give out one-hundred-dollar bills to people, and then let’s say that you are walking along the street downtown when two blind guys call out to you, “Hey! Secret Santa, have pity on us!” You would know one thing for certain. Your secret? It’s not a secret. You are the not-so-secret Santa.
In this Gospel, Jesus tells the two blind men that he heals to tell nobody about their being healed. Why? Why does Jesus tell these blind people to keep their healing a secret? Was it because Jesus wanted to be the Secret Messiah? Was he afraid of people finding out his true identity? Well, that can’t be right, because two blind guys call out to him. They say, “Son of David, have pity on us.” The term “Son of David” is a messianic term, and they are asking for healing. The identity of Jesus as a healer and a messiah was not exactly a secret.
When I was looking into the reason why Jesus would tell these blind people to keep their healing a secret, I recalled this incident in my childhood. I did something pretty bad to my brother, and I still have a very difficult time forgiving myself. My brother had found a tiny frog. It was so small that it would have fit on a dime. He had this frog in his hand and he came over to me to show me this frog. He was about five years old at the time, and I was about eleven years old. He thought it was really cool, this frog he found, and he wanted to share it with me. I looked at the frog and then somehow decided to be mean. I closed his hand on the frog and squished it.
Pretty much right away, I knew that was a mistake, and I never did anything like that again. I have apologized to my brother probably hundreds of times. I bring it up from time to time when we get together, and I let him know that I’m really sorry about that. And every time, he tells me that he’s forgiven me and that I should just forget about it. Family members start rolling their eyes. They’ve heard this story so often. I’ve confessed this sin in reconciliation.
Intellectually, I know that I’ve been forgiven. In my head, I know that God has forgiven me, and that my brother has forgiven me. But in my heart, I have not forgiven myself. And that’s a problem, because what it does ultimately is that it puts distance between me and God. I’m working on this problem, but the reality is that my choice to keep this experience of forgiveness at arm’s length is making it harder than it really has to be. And that is why I relate this story to the Gospel.
In the days of Jesus, the Pharisees had some new rules for blind people. They couldn’t enter the temple. But it wasn’t always that way. According to Mosaic law and all those regulations in Leviticus, there is no reason why a blind person was considered unclean. But for some reason, the Pharisees decided to change the unclean rules and keep blind people out of the temple. They were “unclean.” You might notice in this Gospel reading that Jesus leads these two blind people into “the house.” It is a very strange reference, because it otherwise serves no purpose to mention that he entered a house. But the reference is meaningful, as that house represents the temple.
In Matthew chapter 9, in the story of the two blind men, anyone living in the Jewish tradition would have known that when a person goes from unclean to clean, they have to talk to a priest. Once the priest judges them to be clean, then they go through a ritual cleaning. By Jesus telling these two formerly blind guys to keep the healing to themselves, he is literally saying, “You have no need of ritual cleaning.” The Pharisees made up this rule that needlessly put distance between these two men and God by keeping them out of God’s house.
I am aware that I have something I can do to prepare to experience God. I have a goal of trying to let my heart catch up with my head and to truly feel that forgiveness that God gives to his repentant children. I’m going to try and discard this rule that I’ve made up that adds distance between me and God. For me, I have this thing in my past that I wish would somehow go away. That is not realistic. The new goal is to be okay with my past mistakes, but also accept the forgiveness that has been offered to me. Maybe I’m not the only one that has the same problem. Is there something in your past where you can’t forgive yourself? Then you might have a similar problem. It’s not a good thing. If we can get rid of these made-up rules, rules that prevent us from experiencing God’s forgiveness, we can prepare ourselves to experience God.
If you still feel the guilt after you have been forgiven, start with the two facts. I closed his hand on the frog. He was five. I was eleven. That is the thing I did. The second fact is that he has forgiven me, every time, and I have confessed it. Write both. The shame is the rule you added after those two facts: I am not allowed to be done.
Stop bringing the closed case back to the person who already closed it. I apologized hundreds of times. He said forget about it. The family rolls their eyes. One more telling does not finish the forgiveness. It keeps the distance. If you have not confessed it, confess it, in the plain words. If you have, do not reopen it this week. When the old scene shows up, say the sentence he already said. You are forgiven. I do not have to feel it yet for it to be true.
The Pharisees added a rule that kept the blind men out of the house. Jesus took them in and said they did not need the extra cleaning. The made-up rule is the problem. The frog does not have to disappear. The goal is to accept the forgiveness that has already been offered.
This is a pastoral reflection, not clinical care and not a substitute for it. If you or someone you love is in immediate danger, call 988 or local emergency services.Drawn from a homily first preached in 2016.